There are four types of family communication patterns:
Consensus: high in conversation and conformity
~Talk a lot but shares one opinion
Pluralistic: families-high in conversation, low in conformity
~Lots of talking but it’s ok to disagree
~Kids input is valued
Protective: low on conversation and high on conformity
~Little discussion, but everyone must agree
~Considered very “traditional” families
Laissez-faire: low in conversation and conformity
~Little talking, but everyone doesn’t have to agree
~Few emotional bonds
My family is an amalgam of Consensus and Pluralistic. My parents communicate solely using the consensus pattern, but because relationships differentiate in the family, three of my siblings moved out, and certain family members prefer other methods, we all don’t commit to the same system. Age and intimacy also play a significant factor and is the reason why communication patterns are a split between two. In a family of seven I have two brothers- George 21 years old, Christopher 8 years old – two sisters- Jasmine 28 years old, Ashley 20 something years old- and thankfully two parents. If we’re counting my nieces and nephews then a family of ten because my sister Jasmine has three kids Keithan, Mason, and Leilah.
My siblings are adults now and live on their own, whereas me and my little brother live in the family house. Thus, that’s when Consensus communication is used. Both the conversation -not including me- and conformity is high with my parents and little brother. It’s understandable because Chris is the youngest and he spends the most time with my parents. Therefore, not only is he more spoiled and talks to my parents the most, but he also must oblige or confirm to family rules, i.e., he has a bedtime set by my parents and he can’t curse/cuss. On the contrary, me and the rest of my siblings grown, and my parents treat us as adults. The communication pattern then shifts from Consensus to Pluralistic where the conversation is high- more so with my sisters- but the conformity is low. It’s crazy, as soon as I started college I was finally off the curfew. Without a doubt it felt nice not only being trusted by my parents, but having more freedom, and not having to be bound by strict rules (It’s funny I say that because I went out with my friends like two times in the past year and a half. And whenever I went out by myself, for the most part I only went to three different places: College of DuPage, the grocery store and the gas station). Additionally, my parents typically don’t use their power on us and they don’t tell us what to do anymore: instead, they will either suggest, recommend or warn. For example, when my brother decided to forsake school to work. My parents warned it would cost him and possibly not guarantee he be financially stable in the future. Although they really wanted him to go back to school, the choice was his and they didn’t force him to. Also, in family conversations our contributions are treated as equally valid, and my parents will often consider our input.
Both my sisters and little brother have an excellent relationship with my parents. Although my sisters and parents have low conformity orientation, they do share one characteristic of high conformity families: prioritize family instead of friendships and romantic involvements. In terms of romantic involvements, my sister’s wife has a very poor relationship with her family and spends more time with the Manzano’s than her own bloodline. She views my family as her supplementary family and even refers to my parents as mom and dad. So, their romantic love life as well as drama gets dragged into family matters, and my sister’s wife is somewhat considered part of the family. Hence, since Ashley, her wife, and my other sister Jasmine are so close with my parents, they can all go in depth in conversation, talk about almost anything with no boundaries, disagree with one another and debate.
On the other hand, me and my brother George are more distant and aren’t as intimate with our parents. Unlike my other siblings, George tends to prioritize friendships and romantic relationships over family. In the fall, my brother moved out of the family house. Currently he is experiencing on and off love and favors his partner over his family. What’s more, were in the midst of a pandemic and he works full-time at a restaurant. Consequently, as of late, he doesn’t speak as often with the family like he used to. I wouldn’t categorize this as “Laissez- faire” however, because my parents really care about my brother. They make the effort to invite him over, text him, and offer support like bring him food whenever he needs it. As for me, I’m simply not that close with my parents. We have the advantage of living in the same household, yet we still don’t interact as much. I mean we still love each other; we just don’t talk a whole lot. For the longest time I’ve always believed there were boundaries in conversation with my parents and even today that still stands- I just don’t feel comfortable disclosing certain things with them. Maybe when I get older that’ll change as it did with my sisters. It’s weird though I don’t even have many friends nor romantic partner, so it’s not like I’m neglecting family for outside individuals. Though, I do think most of the problem resides in conflicting schedules and me thinking I’m grown. My mom works full time at-home but on the computer downstairs and I spend majority of my day working on school in my room or cooking in the kitchen upstairs. Maybe when the semester comes to an end though we can spend more time as a family.
It’s clear that relationships within the family are all over the place and inconsistent. George is never really with the family anymore, I’m with the family but lack intimacy and high conversation, whereas the rest of my family members have a great relationship with each other. While it’s true my sisters are close with my parents, they often fight and get into arguments. Be that as it may, they aren’t afraid to express disagreement and most importantly they don’t hold grudges. They’ll make up and continue to love one another. Adding on to that I can’t even remember the last time I fought with my parents-probably high school. Although I personally am not as intimate with my family, our relationship is still in good standing and the love is there.
So, what are your family communication patterns?
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